Oregon is more than a state. It’s a state of mind…
It’s been a while since I posted and update, and part of that is due to the fact that I’ve been on 2 vacations recently that combined took up a total of about 3 weeks. The first trip I took was with a few friends to Las Vegas. Las Vegas was a good time to cut loose and drink my troubles away, or so I thought. The trip was mostly meant as a decompression from my day to day life which had been consumed with goals of weight loss and trying to meet women. Both are goals I still have, but Las Vegas did nothing to ease my troubled mind. Vegas is a big orgy of people peacocking about, trying to impress members of the opposite sex, while trying to increase their own self worth with booze as fuel. This was not the best environment for someone such as myself who is attempting to boost self confidence. I came back from this vacation almost more rattled than when I left, but considerably poorer.
The second vacation I took was back home for a few weeks for a camping trip with lots of family. This trip did two things, it gave me two 20 or so hour drives of self reflection (I drove from California to Oregon, and back), and opened my eyes to a truth I hadn’t expected. I am a cocky son of a bitch, however my self confidence is diminished whenever my mind approaches the subject of women and attraction. This mostly stems from my previous relationship where a girl broke up with me listing my weight as a contributing factor. In California this becomes so magnified due to the fact that the whole southern California mindset is that of superficiality and image. Women do their best to become inexplicably skinny, and men do their best to put their best body forward to complement. For someone of average looks, and above average weight, this can be a problem when you see the women insurmountably intimidating, and the men as unbeatable competitors.
Going to Oregon did a number on my mindset. It began when I decided to grab lunch at a restaurant where I was greeted by a lovely and attractive waitress. She was amicable and sweet, and oddly enough responded quite favorably to my simple flirtations. This was news to me, as in my mind she was out of my league, and yet even though she makes a living off tips, she had genuine reactions to my flirtations that seemed to push past the goal of attempting to increase the bill’s gratuity. In the end I never asked for a number, but thanked her by name before I left, and was granted by a more than friendly grin as I departed. If this had been a one off experience I may not have thought anything of it, however flirtations between me and a grocery checker, and the female checker behind her who joined in on our conversation led me to believe that perhaps the modicum of skill in the ways of flirtations I have developed, as a reaction to the necessitation to poses SOME skills in the meat market of southern California, somehow translated to a stronger influence in a city where men might not have to try as hard.
The other thing the aforementioned experiences got me to thinking about is the possibility that even IN the California cesspool of superficiality, that perhaps only an increase in confidence and honing of certain attraction building skills is necessary to increase my success with female relationships. I of course am not stopping in my pursuit of a healthy and attractive body, but it adds even more increasing hope that both a physical and mental transformation can occur over the next 80-90 pounds to lead into a better overall healthy whole self.
The other drawback that pulled negatively on the last month however has been that the vacations have led to an overall increase in weight. Before my most recent vacation I had managed to drop down to about 269 pounds on one glorious morning, however now I am sitting a fair amount heavier. I am however more hopeful for my future, and the exciting journey that will follow.
Current Weight: 289 Pounds